Happy Birthday to Middle-Aged People!

The three chapters today were written in October, and they fit my mood this month. m.

So some of the things in them are actually written for myself.

Of course, they are also for friends who are facing the same problem as me, with elderly parents and young children.

October is my birthday month. I attended three weddings this month, and one of them even went to faraway Shanghai.

But it doesn’t seem to be full of joy.

October is the month when I am in the lowest state in the past two years.

I have only written 210,000 words so far. Normally, I should have written nearly 400,000 words at this time.

It’s almost half less.

Can’t you see that I didn’t dare to explode this month? Because if I explode, there will be no manuscripts, so I don’t dare to explode at all...

On the one hand, there are too many mundane things. After all, we are all social animals. It is impossible for us to live alone. There will always be some interpersonal relationships.

On the other hand, this month is really weird. Family members have been sick one after another. My child has been sick for half a month, and my wife has been sick for almost half a month. Both of them are still not well. My mother-in-law has also had a cold for more than a week, and she has only gotten better recently. My mother's lumbar disc herniation is getting worse. She had surgery this month and needs to rest, so we took the children back to my wife's home. As for me, I finally couldn't make it in the last few days of this month. I caught a cold and had acute conjunctivitis in my eyes.

People have the saying that they are unlucky in their birth year. Is this my birth month?

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday.

This age cannot be considered "middle-aged".

Among online writers who have been writing books for more than ten years, 31 years old is probably not really old.

There is actually no clear age range for middle age, but generally everyone considers the period from 40 to 50 or 60 years old as middle age.

If this definition is followed, I am still a little far from middle age.

But I still have the same sense of crisis as a middle-aged man.

As I wrote in the book, I have old people above me and young children below me, and I am the pillar of the family, the source of income for the whole family. I can't have any problems. If I have problems, this family will collapse.

When I was single before, I only needed to support myself and my parents. Now that I have a wife and children, I have to be compatible with the lower ones.

Then I was stuck in the middle, like a sandwich.

When I was in high school, I listened to "Recently I'm Annoyed" by Zhou Huajian, Li Zongsheng and Pin Guan, but the lyrics were very interesting.

Now I gradually understand the helplessness of the middle-aged man in the song.

"...Recently I'm annoyed, annoyed, annoyed! I can't see the shore in front of me, and there are a group of geniuses chasing behind me. Oh! It's getting harder and harder to write a song that everyone is happy with..."

Replace the song with a book, and it's my anxiety, which is not an exaggeration at all.

※　※　※

As a result, I didn't write a single word that whole day.

When I was sitting outside the delivery room and waiting anxiously, I saw many mothers and their babies being pushed out, and the family members waiting around gathered around, and even other people would go up to take a look, and then come back and say "That child is so well-behaved!" "Will our child be like this too..."

On the other side of the delivery room is the U Intensive Care Unit for Newborn Babies, where babies with problems at birth will be sent. The parents waiting here or coming and going all frowned and looked anxious.

Watching these tragic and comedic scenes of life, I suddenly realized that my beautiful days of writing 6,000 words a day, then playing games all night without any scruples, or going wherever I want, writing as much as I want, not working if I don’t want to, indulging myself if I want to, and only writing 60,000 words a month... the heartless and beautiful days are over.

When I have a child, all my thoughts will be on him, and I will have endless worries. I have a lot to worry about. I worry that my mother’s milk is not enough, I worry that he can’t rest well, I worry that the child will not develop well, I worry that he will get sick, and I worry that he will not get well after being sick for a long time...

When he is a little older, I worry about those hidden or obvious dangers at all times. When we were young, there were not so many cars as there are now... I also worry about his education and his moral character.

When he grows up, I worry about him going to college, his job, and finding a wife. When he finds a wife, I worry about his children. When the children come out, I worry about my grandchildren...

Okay, I do think too much, but as a parent, isn't this how life goes? I clearly see this trajectory in my own parents.

When I go to college, they worry about my job. When I work, they worry about my income. When my income increases, they start to worry that I can't find a girlfriend. When I get married, they worry about our offspring... Sometimes they still stay up all night for our affairs and discuss for a long time behind closed doors.

Then when I thought about so much, I suddenly felt a little lost.

I am reluctant to let go of the good days that have gone away from me.

But no matter how reluctant I am, I have to move on.

I think that I may have matured from that time.

I have more responsibilities, and I can't lose my temper and give up if I want to. Since I have embarked on this road, I can't get off halfway.

Even if the road is difficult to walk on, the burden on the shoulders is heavy, even if the waist is strained and the skin on the shoulders is rubbed, we have to move forward.

Because, this is life.

This is what I have to do to survive in life.

※　※　※

I went to the hospital this morning because my eyes were a little red last night. My wife was worried that it was conjunctivitis, so she took me to the hospital.

In addition, she also has to go for a review.

She held my hand when we were in the hospital, and she was quite happy. At that time, I had a cold, was top-heavy, had a blocked nose, uncomfortable throat, and dry mouth. I didn't know what to be happy about coming to the hospital.

As a result, my wife said: "Because you accompanied me to the hospital!"

Then I was stunned for a moment.

Thinking about it carefully, in addition to giving birth, she has been to many hospitals in the past two years for various reviews, examinations, and medical treatments.

But every time, it was her mother and her father who accompanied her.

I never accompanied her. At most, I drove the car to the underground parking lot of the hospital and sat in the car alone typing.

Not only my wife, but also my child went to the hospital with me only once.

Now that the child is over one year old, he can call him "grandpa", "grandma" and "mom", but he can't call him "dad".

They asked him, "Where's daddy?" He imitated my snoring sound, and that was "daddy".

My wife, children, and mother-in-law are not doing well lately. I sleep with the child at night, but he will definitely wake up in the middle of the night every day, and then he will vaguely see me next to him, and he will start crying and can't be coaxed no matter how hard he is. His grandma would have to take action.

After sleeping with me for two days, he let his grandma take him to bed.

He rarely asks me to hug him, and he hardly clings to me.

My wife complained that I didn’t bring enough.

Because I really don’t have time to take care of the kids.

I have to write at least 400,000 words every month, otherwise I won’t be able to keep up with the explosive pace.

These 400,000 words were a task that could only be completed by writing non-stop from going to bed in the morning to going to bed at night.

I spend all my time coding, how can I take care of my children?

I always think that I will fight for two more years, while my body is still able to move, I will fight for two more years.

But who knows if I will work hard for another two years?

Life is a battle, you have to keep fighting.

After watching El Clasico a few days ago, I took the time to watch a documentary about Ronaldo. At the end of the film, a reporter asked Ronaldo: "You always work so hard. Why is that? You are already the world's top star."

Ronaldo answered him this way: "You have to keep working hard, otherwise everything you have gained will be lost and you will have nothing."

For me, the achievements of these two books are the result of working hard to update, so I must work hard and work hard all the time, otherwise I am afraid that I will lose everything now, I am afraid that I will let you down, I am afraid that if it is not enough No matter how hard he works, his family cannot continue to live the life they have now.

I can't afford to lose. My four parents, a wife and a child are all watching me from behind.

I'm not fighting for myself, I'm fighting for them.

There is a photo that is very popular on the Internet today. A man fell asleep while sitting on the subway. Before he fell asleep, he called his child and told him that he had eaten, was not tired at all, and had brought delicious food. Go home with the food and ask him to wait for you at home.

Then after making the call, he kept his hands on his knees, lowered his head and fell asleep.

I think this is a typical representative of every man who puts responsibility and family on his shoulders.

※　※　※

As I was writing this, my wife came over to take my temperature and told me that I had a fever.

I have to go lie down for a while.

When people are sick, they tend to be sensitive and fragile, and they tend to think about things.

So I wasted everyone's time reading my nonsense.

Tomorrow is my thirty-first birthday. It is really memorable to write such a text at this time.

I wish myself a happy birthday and get well soon. I also wish everyone happiness and health every day!

Thanks!

Lin Hai Tingtao

2013.10.28 in Chengdu (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to (this site) to subscribe and reward. Your support is my biggest motivation.)