Happy New Year

There are so many things to worry about, I don’t know where to start. I have been hospitalized, and I have to queue up for everything in big hospitals. I am still undergoing examinations. The doctor said that the situation is not good and asked me to be mentally prepared.

I was a little stunned. How come I was fine last week, able to carry my child for a walk and bask in the sun, and now this is the case?

I thought I would have to face this sooner or later, but I didn't expect it would come so quickly and suddenly. A happy family turned out to be so fragile, falling apart at the drop of a hat, unreasonable.

I have read too many books about life, separation, and death, and the myriad of emotions I feel are not as painful and helpless as the actual encounter. It is so heavy that I, a weak person who has never suffered much, feel at a loss.

My father is not in good health either, so I can't let him know too much or work too hard.

I don’t know what to say, I can’t type, so I’m asking for a leave. I want to adjust myself as soon as possible. I told myself that from now on, I will be the backbone of the family, and I must be strong and carry everything.

If possible, I would sacrifice thirty years of my life in exchange for my mother's health and safety.